Liberalism and Insomnia

People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one

2006-01-31T10:04:00.000-05:00

And even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya honey
Everything bring a chain of love
And in the mornin' when I rise
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything's gonna be all right
-Ann Murray Danny's Song

Few updates and whatnot

2006-01-30T14:22:00.000-05:00

Well hello.

A few updates for now:

1. THE STEELERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL! For only the second time in my life, the good ole Steelers have made their way to the Super Bowl. After 22 years of being an avid Steelers fan, I feel as though the time may have finally come for the Steelers.
I really thought that last year was our year, and after the AFC Championship game last year I said, "Next year," along with the rest of the Steeler nation.
Then in only the fourth game of the season Roethlisberger was injured and with Charlie Batch out too Tommy Maddox took the lead of the Steelers and I found myself saying, "next year," yet again.
But when the playoffs came and I watched the Steelers beat the Bengals I couldn't help but to think, "maybe this year?!"
My dad and I have both tried to keep each other from getting our hopes too high this season, with Roethlisberger's injury and all. But now here we are, the Super Bowl is 6 days away and the Steelers are going!! I have to admit, I'm really frickin excited now! This is the year! Go Steelers!

2. Well its hard to top the overwhelming Steelers fanaticism that I possess but nonetheless, I will move on. Matt just got his first letter back from a law school. The University of Florida Levin College of Law has officially approved his application for admission and congratulated him on his admission to the Fall 2006 entering class. While Matt still has to hear back from other schools, this being the first, the cheapest, and well, the easiest transportation wise (seeing as how we already live here), this is a pretty exciting moment for us. I've pretty much taken Matt's law school application process on as a direct part of my life. It makes sense because I am moving with him to where ever he goes to law school. Plus its exciting! Anyway, he applied to FSU, Miami, and UF in state. And since he got into UF, FSU and Miami are already out of the picture. (Which is awesome! You'd have to sedate me heavily to make me live in Tallahassee or Miami, and even more heavily to make me support the Seminoles or the Hurricanes- eww gross.) Anyway, he also applied to Washington and Lee, Georgetown and Columbia. Matt's first choice is Columbia and mine is Georgetown. I want to work in D.C. and Matt wants to go to an Ivy school if he can. Okay well that's that.

3. Adderall is helping me function perfectly at the increased dosage of 40mg XRs a day. Now if only I can get my doctor to prescribe me that amount before I run out. Also, Advil Cold and Sinus + Adderall= the devil form of ADD so don't mix the two unless you want to be completely unable to focus on anything.

4. I don't think I want to go into fundraising anymore. I may do it anyway for a few years. I want to go into public policy and work with human services eventually. At first I'll work in human services fields , helping people and working in non-profits. Unless of course, I find a job in fundraising that pays more than social work. Or I might even just be a teacher for awhile if that pays more. I plan on working in one of these areas and supporting me and Matt while he is in law school, and take out lots more loans.
The moral of the story here is that my odds of making any money and getting out of doubt any time in the next five or twenty years aren't very good. Ha.
The curse of only being talented at helping people: There's not much room to help yourself. But I have a feeling it will work out okay if I stick with what I'm passionate about.

Okay well I suppose I have covered enough for now. I'll be back with more fun updates soon. And hopefully I'll be able to ramble about my liberal vs. conservative thoughts on human services and privatization and politics in general soon.

Keep it real kids.

kc.

At a loss for an idea

2005-12-07T12:44:00.000-05:00

Well I must say, it is nice to know someone is reading! Thank you anonymous commenter that sounds a lot like my friend!

I am surviving. Having a good day today. Finally finished the class that has undoubtedly been the nemesis of my college career. 'Tis a glorious day.

So anyway I'm now on to my next paper and I'm sitting here researching ideas (aka poking around online getting absorbed in wikipedia.com and not finding anything). So, I figured maybe I'd poke around on the blogs and see if any ideas sparked.

I'm trying to find a topic for my paper on communities. I have to identify a community that I am apart of (think Gainesville, Fl; University of Florida; Student Ghetto, etc.) and then identify a problem that I would like to change in that community and then identify a solution I can actively pursue.

I'm kind of at a loss here. I've come up with pretty much the entire outline of the paper, in my head, using an idea about my neighborhood in my hometown. But I can't come up with a solution that I can actively pursue there. And plus I haven't lived there for 5 years and I'm not really in touch with it anymore. I can't even figure out where to turn on my road anymore because there's been so much damn development.

Anyway, back to the point. I'd really like to do my little neighborhood here in the student ghetto but its hard to find a problem that anyone would actually be interested in fixing. I mean yeah, there's a lot of trash everywhere all the time and it's definitely not good for the environment and it looks terrible. But if I organize a trash pick up party every week or something people are just going to get drunk that very night and throw trash everywhere again. Even I have been known to throw a few bottles over my balcony or into the bushes when intoxicated heavily. There's just no need to deal with drunk people in this community salvation paper.

The issue I identified for my neighborhood back home was the lack of community and the distance that all the neighbors keep from each other. Nobody really knows anybody and they certainly do not interact frequently. The neighborhood has a lot of good foundations to start with though. Everyone always waves when they pass each other in their cars and while they're walking. My parents actually know most of our immediate neighbors by name and they sometimes stop by with Holiday goodies or hand-me-down clothes for my brother. These are all great things that most neighborhoods don't have. But isn't that a low standard to set? We may occasionally interact with our neighbors but its never more than a brief, "Hi, How are you?" and there isn't any real relationship there.

What the neighborhood needs is a way to bond together, so that they can build relationships with each other and eventually be a support unit and an excellent little mesosystem for all the happy families in the neighborhood. My mom was telling me how she wants to have neighborhood barbecues and block parties and to be friends with the neighbors so they can hang out and whatever adults do when they aren't working or cleaning or yelling at their children. haha.

I don't know. I really wanted to think of something for Gainesville. Something specific.
there's always poverty and homelessness but that's not exactly something I can be super creative about. I have to think of something I can actually make an impact on individually. I have a really hard time with that because I've pretty much convinced myself that I have to go into public policy because its the only way to actually change anything.

But here I am, learning new things everyday. Okay well you think about it. I'm going to stew about this for a little bit longer than I'm just going to bullshit this paper if I still don't have a plan.

In the midst of my family, youth and community sciences finals

2005-12-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired of all this blaming.
Why even bothering saying the causes of things like depression and eating disorders?
or anything for that matter?

Its such a waste of time in my major, and yet everyone does it.

"____ is caused by biological, neurochemical, genetic, psychosocial,
family, developmental, and ecological factors."
What the hell is left after that?

The ENTIRE WORLD HAS CAUSED YOUR PROBLEM.

The only cause missing is just fucking reality and the randomness of the world.
Why bother blaming anything?
Why do we continue to need to find someone or something to blame.

In all honesty, it isn't helping us fix the problem, its just creating more resentment.

I blame society for the oppression of women for all of human history. I blame my ancestors for slavery in America.

But what is the point of all the blame? It doesn't make it better. All it really does is make it worse.

In my therapy I will not say, your father's lack of attention to you caused your depression/whatever disorder because he made you so sad that you had to react in some way.

I will instead say, you are depressed for many reasons, not just one, and not just because of one person. Yes, you didn't get as much attention as you needed as a child, especially from your father. But now that you see that, you can learn to overcome it. And you can understand that its not your fault. Its nobody's fault.

Seriously. Its not that hard. Just a matter of simply teaching each other to learn how to accept the things we cannot change. (And of course, to have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference) ;-)

-kc.

i have a problem.

2005-12-02T00:17:00.000-05:00

i have no will power. i am the victim of my own weakness.

i'm taking prescribed narcotics to help me focus and i am constantly getting distracted.

clearly i have a problem.

i may never graduate college.

i must keep telling myself i can choose my behavior. i have a choice if i get distracted or not.

ugh.

adderall or nap?

2005-11-30T02:11:00.000-05:00

2:30am. take another adderall? or take a nap? presentation at 8:30am, haven't started working on it. it shouldn't be hard, but i really don't want to do it. bah...

i'm tired of being sick. i've been living off of cough drops and abusing tissues for over three weeks now. at least i'm functional this point. thank god for advil cold and sinus.

i'm taking this week and next week off of work. my mom calls it a "sabatical." i call it "choosing graduating college over a crappy part time job." even if the crappy job pays the bills, it still doesn't pay much of them. i like to think of boyfriend and i as a two-income family but its more like a half income family and we each only make 1/4 of income and we still can't add them together to get a full income. i mean we live off loans and will be living off of a lot more loans next year when boyfriend goes to law school.

but whatever so i'm not working and i'm trying to get everything done for school. i'm not doing a very good job so far. i've pretty much spent the last 48 hours consuming myself with facebook and distracting myself with tv and anything else that comes along. so now i'm pretty much shit out of luck if i don't get my ass in gear. i did actually get one paper written today. so i suppose i was fairly productive.

i wrote an extra credit paper today on the movie Crash. Its so good. you should watch it. it should be called, Racism in L.A. but maybe that's just because i'm biased and that's what i was looking for in the movie.

anyway i wrote a paper about it today and i was thinking about posting some stuff from my paper. but in this deep southern college atmosphere race is a pretty touchy subject. well maybe i'll talk about it more next time.

i'm off. still not sure if i should take some more adderall or take a nap...

patronizing?

2005-11-23T01:45:00.000-05:00

when did i become so damn patronizing?

i know i'm smart. i mean, i was smart, before all the beer and whatnot in college. but honestly, who am i to judge? i get so mad when people judge other people. and here i am, juding away. and thinking i know better. how do i know better? i have yet to produce any evidence of success so who the fuck do i think i am?

okay i'm going to bed. i definitelly should just go to bed now...

-kc

HI!

2005-11-21T21:36:00.000-05:00

just thought i would post, just to say hi! because i'm not going to procrastinate tonight but i wanted to say hi so HI!

i was also wondering, why is it so freaking hard for me to graduate college AND support myself? i mean, people do it all the time right? i feel like i'm always hearing people say, "she put herself through college all by herself." like do these people honestly take loans out and then somehow earn enough money to pay for themselves? i mean college is expensive for one, and i am having a hard time living the poor life. i'm not really good at the whole "we can survive on pb&j and water" plan. i mean, it sounds easy and all. who doesn't like pb&j? but i like sushi too, and chicken fingers and i cant' exactly cook those myselves. and even buying bread for 3 pb&js a day is kind of expensive so wtf do we do? not to mention the alcohol costs. i know i know, we could give that up but then wtf would we do? hahaha.

okay well i meant that all in the lightest of contexts. here's to keeping it light today!

oh and to not procrastinating anymore tonight!

hahah i'm so bad at this...
kc

coughing too much and can't sleep. so here i am...

2005-11-16T03:38:00.000-05:00

well its 3am this time. and its november. mad crazy times. my boyfriend is asleep in bed and was talking about commercials in his sleep. now he's singing along to "i am a rock" by simon and garfunkel, which is actually playing now.

anyhow, i quit my job at the bar. that shit was not really a positive influence on my life. what a fun time it was though. great college summer job, but not so good when i'm old and trying to graduate. working till 5am in a bar isn't exactly proactive to that whole responsibility/growing up thing.

plus the whole management in the place was going to shit and i wasn't making enough money to pay rent so... really i was just poor, but it really wasn't a healthy environment.

so now i'm working at (what i like to think is) the best restaurant in town. I mean the melting pot is my like super special favorite but this place rocks. so i'm busting my ass to make money and ya know, doing that school thing too.

my boyfriend and i are trying to support ourselves and save money for his mom. its really tough because he just started working and i just switched jobs like a month ago so we are readjusting but we're out of my loan money and our rent is crazy high. we're living in the same apartment that i've lived in for the previous two years (so now two and a half years). My parents and my old roommate helped me pick it out and that was when our parents would pay an arm and a leg each month so that we would be as close to campus as possible.

okay sidenote: boyfriend apparently is in some kind of army world and had to tell me that there is a squadron ready behind to follow me. he actually sat up, rambled till i turned around, told me about the squadron, then asked me if i already knew that, i answered no and he asked again as he slowly fell back down onto the pillow and closed his eyes... oh the joys of actually documenting this for once!!!

anyway so yeah rent is expensive as fuck. we are so poor. i've been working like 25-40 hours a week for the last 4 weeks. its been insane. i've been getting scheduled for four doubles a week. so yeah i'm pretty much going insane.

but its whatever. i'm working on not being depressed this week. apparently i have a choice in the matter of how i feel so i'm trying to not feel depressed. (this is what my mother tells me) i can't decide if i'm trying to not feel depressed so that i can ya know, not be depressed, or so that i can actually try really hard and prove to my mother that she doesn't have any idea what this feels like.

but again, its whatever. i should quit smoking. turns out its not only killing my mother that i smoke, encouraging my little brother to smoke, and keeping boyfriend from proposing, its also killing boyfriend's brother. which sucks because he doesn't need anymore to carry on his shoulders these days. oh yeah and also apparently all of the cilia on my alveoli are all paralyzed thus causing all sorts of nasty bronchitis like symptoms. this is common of course for people who have been smoking way more years than they care to ever even admit to themselves...
so its pretty obvious here that quitting smoking would be great on all accounts. too bad i've got every excuse in the book ready and no physical strength left to fight it. oh yeah, not to mention the lack of emotional strength.

i was going to try and be funny tonight (morning) but hahah, its whatever. yea yea, repetitive, duh. ya know, i'd be surprised if anyone reads this anyway. i haven't updated in what? 2 months? everyone took me off their links too when they realized i couldn't really talk about baseball anymore. plus the whole blog thing died when everyone got real lives in the fall.

okay well now its like really late and i have to get up in four hours so hopefully the base thumping downstairs will stop soon....

nights/morning.
kc.

and its 5am

2005-09-22T04:03:00.000-05:00

"I'm having trouble trying to sleep
I'm counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own... here we go
My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
Fucked up and spun out in my room
On my own... here we go
My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense dulled
Passed the point of delerium
On my own... here we go"
-green day brain stew

i have the most insane sleep schedule ever... in that i don't have one.

"All the words that we said and the words that we mean..."

2005-08-29T03:33:00.000-05:00

Well I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I've been gone for awhile.

Turns out August 1st, 2005 was a day that I just can't seem to describe in any way other than saying, it was life-altering.

So things have been different here. The travel plans changed to funeral-traveling and well, life stopped for a bit. Unfortunately, or fortunately (I'm not quite sure which), life has, almost as abruptly, started up again. I realized classes started on Wed morning when at about 10pm on Tuesday night my friend realized we didn't have any pencils and we were off to Walmart for school supplies.

So anyhow, no sad words or pity necessary, I'd rather leave all that out of this blog. Fortunately I am lucky enough to have amazing friends and family to take care of all that.

So with that, I'm going to ponder a bit about the future of my blog. My first instinct was to just take it down, shut it off, delete the last posts and move on with my life. But then with SP and GOAL retiring I thought it might seem like I was just another copy-cat.

But here I find myself, reading my blog at 4am. I didn't even realize I had posted that day. It was so strange reading it. So with my mind reeling and suffering from insomnia, I needed an outlet.

I took my adderall for the first time in a long time today, at like 3pm. Time release amphetamines will definitely keep you up for pretty much all of eternity if you aren't careful. So hence, you are blessed with an insomniac...

I went without the meds for awhile because I didn't have time to see a doctor for a refill, and because sleep was so hard as it was, I didn't really want my usual dose of 'speed' keeping me up all night.

Jack Johnson is amazing. I have gone 4 straight weeks with nothing but the "In Between Dreams" album on my laptop. Hence the lyrics on the last post. I really couldn't find any other song to relate to because I didn't have any other songs. bah.

Ooh, brief statement about the change in the title of my blog: I am not very creative so I copied the totally awesome radio station 106.9's motto: "80's, 90's, whatever we want!" I know, I'm lame but give me a break here, at least I'm still posting.

Well I guess I'm getting tired, not really but I feel guilty blogging when I have class in 5 hours...

Lastly I would just like to give a testimony to the power of friendship. I have been blessed with an amazing crew of friends that have been unbelievably helpful through everything. Thank you guys, you are truly amazing and know that we are forever grateful.

Peace and Love and God Bless.
kc

the only words i can seem to find that come close:

2005-08-14T03:03:00.000-05:00

"When your mind is a mess so is mine I can't sleep
Because it hurts when I think when my thoughts aren't at peace
With the plans that we make and the chances we take
They're not yours they're not mine
There are waves that can break
All the words that we said and the words that we mean
And the words can fall short, can't see the unseen
Because the world is awake so for somebody's sake
Now please close your eyes
Woman, please get some sleep

Sleep and know that if I knew all of the answers
I would not hold them from you
Know all of the things that I know
Because we told each other there is no other way

Too much silence can be misleading
You're drifting I can hear it in the way that you're breathing
We don't really need to find reason
Because out the same door that it came well it's leaving
It's leaving
Leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
But at least we could sleep, it's all that we need
When we wake we would find, our minds would be free
To go to sleep

Sleep and know that if I knew all of the answers
I would not hold them from you
Know all of the things that I know
Because we told each other there is no other way"
-jack johnson "no other way"

the afternoon after an all-nighter

2005-08-01T13:46:00.000-05:00

Well I was planning on just posting a few brief thoughts while I'm still delirious from having not slept last night. stupid finals. But alas, my finals are over and I can't sleep so, enjoy the ramblings of an insomniac, the afternoon after an all-nighter. We'll start with some ideas I thought might be brief... apparently "living better through chemistry" can lead you to spend an hour writing on your blog even though you haven't slept since umm...

Idea #1: At first I was intimidated by being, what seemed like the only girly, non-SG Gainesville blog out there, I'm beginning to like it. I feel somewhat connected and I like being different. However, I think I might make same changes, which leads me to idea #2.

Idea #2: I think I would like to make a shift from insomniac ramblings, to a group project. Basically, I can't possibly be entertaining enough on my own, and my potential blogging partners have much different interests and can bring in tons of new topics.

Idea #3: Okay I think I'm done with the ideas section. Let's move on.

Random thought: Harry Potter. Wow. The 6th book was amazing, I can't wait for the next one. Its a really dirty trick to make us wait so long...

I just read this blog post about H Pots, and I couldn't even think of what to comment, but I felt like I had to. I have been trying to say the exact same thing for years now.
I actually hated reading in high school. I never read for fun, ever. I actually ended up liking a few High School books, like the Great Gatsby, but only because my English teacher was amazing and she made me like those books.
My freshman year of college, I stumbled into reading the second Harry Potter book. My boyfriend was reading them and he was seriously tearing through them. It was making me so angry that he was reading them so fast, and he would not put them down.
Anyway, he was just always reading these, what I thought to be at the time, stupid books, and he wouldn't stop. So while I was sitting there watching him read, I started reading the pages with him because I was bored.
So as soon as he finished the second one, I picked it up and read it. This was like four years ago and I have loved reading ever since. I tore through those books in like three weeks and was so excited to have read them so fast that I wanted to keep reading, and I have.

So check out that post about Harry Potter. Let me know what you think. I have some friends that are just as obsessed with H Pots as I am, but I still have some that are nay-sayers, and refuse to read the "children's books." I've been trying to get my 16 yr. old brother to read Harry Potter since he was about 12 and he still refuses. He's the same way I was with reading, and I really wish he would at least try to read the book. Stupid baseball players, they think they are so macho. bah.

Okay well CLEARLY I've digressed a tad.

Oh! Greek on a Leash cracked my shit up again today! I know its like the GoaL fan club everywhere you turn, but come on, we all try to be funny, and GoaL is just knocking them dead! My favorite part in GoaL's latest post is definitely, "This is so crazy - I guess I picked the wrong day to quit taking amphetamines..." ha! okay well maybe it wasn't meant in the funny way I thought it was funny, but then again maybe it was.

Well that is all for now. Apparently I'm going to Texas this Thursday, via a train, to pick up a car in Houston, and drive it back here. We will be stopping in New Orleans Sat night and possibly in Ft. Walton Beach Sunday night.
Yes, it is complicated and crazy. It should be a very interesting road trip. I'm sure there will be many stories- possibly some from the train, as I will be taking the laptop with us as our main source of entertainment... I should really start getting some pirated movies.

rock out.

kc

Vacation rocked!

2005-07-26T22:16:00.000-05:00

Back from vacation! So much fun!!!

Went many places with my parents and my 16 year old little brother:

My aunt and uncle's house in North Carolina and to their AMAZING lake house in Virginia for four days. Tubing is the coolest thing ever! So are jet skis! Oh how I can't wait to be rich and have a vacation home on a lake with a badass boat, two badass jet skis, and an awesome dock and deck. Sigh.

Drove through UVA- the blonde was sooooooo right about everyone there being either a major dork or super hot and snobby, oh and the campus being absolutely GORGEOUS. I had no idea it was so big.

Washington DC for three days and two nights! Oh so much!!! A recap of the best night out in DC EVER!!! Got to see the White House, the Capitol, etc. I love DC so much I can't wait to go back. I am dying to go back and I am definitely going to law school and working in DC in the future...

Spent a night in Virginia Beach- weird place, much like Panama City Beach, but bigger? and with a boardwalk. Strange place to be with parents, but nonetheless, had good times with little brother, strolling the streets without the parents.

Spent the last night in Savanna- such a pretty place. There are lots of weird people in Savanna though. Strangley enough, we stumbled upon this bar that my parents insisted on going to when we went there four years ago. They followed the music into the bar and made us sit down even though my brother was 12 and I was 18, just fresh out of freshman year. We were sitting at this table surrounded by older drunk people and I was like umm can we leave before they kick us out? And my parents made fun of me forever because I was uncomfortable in a bar (and now I work in one and apparently me being uncomfortable in a bar is unfathomable.) So this time in Savanna we stumbled on the same place, there was a band playing awesome music, that we followed in AGAIN, Doobie Brothers, Black Water. Which by the way, is an awesome song:
IÂd like to hear some funky dixieland
Pretty mama come and take me by the hand
By the hand, take me by the hand pretty mama
Come and dance with your daddy all night long
I want to honky tonk, honky tonk, honky tonk
With you all night long
I was actually so excited to be in a bar and I was dying to order a drink and sit down and stay and sing fun songs with my mom. But we didn't stay for longer than two songs because my little brother, now 16, was uncomfortable and made us leave. Sigh, irony.
I guess its probably funnier if you were there.

So that was mostly it. Good times. Good times.

Now its back to the grind and the last painful week of summer school...

btw... future road trip to texas and new orleans!! yay!!

And the happy side of my life...

2005-07-13T18:45:00.000-05:00

Well today I have decided to give a little more explanation of where I am in my life. Many times I have rambled nonsensically about my failures and insecurities on my old livejournal or to my friends while sitting on the porch. However, never has it been so public. Its strange ranting about my vices and having feedback from people I don't really know but might actually know??? Hmm well in response to a few things, I've decided to elaborate more. Seeing as how it is 7pm and I am not in the delirious insomniac state that can lead to the spilling of my insecurities, maybe I will sound not-so-melodramatic this time? Maybe that's not in the realm of possibility, eh, we shall see...

So first off to respond to the comment left by SG Outsider:

"I hate to be critical but by just reading your this entry, it sounds like you need to talk to someone. I know people at the SHCC that would love to talk to you because talking to people sometimes helps. I also agree with the others that are saying you need to take a break. Take a break from the sorority...drink a little bit less. Decide where you would like to focus your energy. Will it be school, work, sorority, or boyfriend? I hate to sound critical but I think your at a crossroads this summer. You are the only person who can change things."

Its so funny that you say that because in my melodramatic pity party that was my earlier post, I didn't mention anything positive about my life, including my goals and most recent choices.

I know I'm not perfect and it sounds like I'm all miserable because, well, because I said I was. I'm really not. I've recently made a decision to stay in school, retake two classes this summer so that I can do that, and be personally responsible for that choice by paying for it all on my own. I have taken out loans and I got a job, and I am now paying my own rent, my own everything.

The week between spring semester and summer A, I stayed in Gainesville with my boyfriend and we went through every possible option. After seeing graduation, and getting my grades from the semester, leaving UF seemed like it just might be the right thing to do. I mean, after 4 years here with out even an AA and no possibility of studying something I am passionate about until after I graduate, it really did make some sense. But after going through all the numbers, all the options, all the things I could do instead of staying here at UF, it still made sense to leave, and all the other options seemed like a great and necessary change in my life.

However when it came down to it, I didn't want to quit. My parents, my boyfriend, my friends, everyone around me, was totally okay with me leaving UF. They all said they supported me. My parents even said they wouldn't pay for it if I stayed (because it just didn't make sense to anymore).

All of a sudden I realized that the only reason why I would stay would be for me, and me alone. If I chose to stay and graduate from UF, it would be because I wanted to. And after all that soul searching, I knew I wanted to.

I've wanted to graduate from UF since I was little (except for that year when I thought I could go to Harvard- HAHA). I've always been a gator fan and I've always planned on graduating from college. I worked my ass off in high school to get in here and I've done well enough to stay in for four years. And when it comes down to it, I've imagined having a UF diploma on my office wall for the last 8 years.
That may not seem like enough of a reason for you, but it sure as hell was for me.

I've spent my whole life making others happy. I've lived for everyone else but me. Everyday I am learning how to do what's best for me even if its not what's best for others. I am still learning that. And this decision is helping me in so many ways.

For the first time in my life, I am at a place where if I fail, I only fail myself. If I succeed, I only succeed for myself. Sure my friends and family will be proud of me if I succeed but they will be proud of me if I don't. I am my sole reason to be here.

So that was the change that I made. It seemed like the right change, but as I've learned you never know. And I am not scared this time. This time I am just trying to do my best.

Unfortunately I am having a bit of a hard time right now. After summer A ended, my summer C class got to the part that I hate. And I've fallen behind. But I still got an A in my summer A class and I'm still doing well at my job. I'm going to get it back together with my summer C class. I've already started doing better- I got my questionnaire done and was early to class on Monday. It may not seem like much, but it is.

So while I look like I'm just wallowing in sorrow, I'm just falling a few steps back. I'm actually in a good place right now. I just have my moments. Its also nice to admit my mistakes. I have to let it out sometimes and say, I know I'm full of excuses. Because then I can step up and try and make things better. I'm not depressed or anything like that. I'm actually a very happy person. I just happen to have a really hard time with school. Beyond school my life is pretty much perfect. No, really it is. I have the best friends in the world. I have the best boyfriend in the world, I love my family and I am just overall a very lucky person.

Okay well I was also going to talk about SP's mention of my post:
"Sleepless Kid On The Block: There's a lot more to the UF experience than what's on the Third Floor. Sometimes it's important to be reminded that students face problems that can't be solved by SG, that there's more to being a student than being a vote and a number and a set of A&S fees for spending. Not to mention, this is all the more reason to fight caps on credits taken for in-state tuition. SP loves you, KC."

All I really wanted to say about the awesome SP's post, was what I already said- about realizing that people are actually reading my crazy nonsense!!! But I already said that, so I will just say, I love you too SP and I hope to see you next week!!!!!

Anonymity

2005-07-12T16:01:00.000-05:00

More like an attempt at anonymity. which by the way, is the worst word to spell and pronounce ever.

I've decided that after leaving so much information about my life on my blog that I am going to make a switch to a more anonymous name. I realize that this is mostly useless but eh, its worth a shot.

So for now on I'm going as kc. It seemed like a good idea. You know, in case for some reason I apply to law school or the FBI and someone discovers that I don't know, I'm not perfect... I guess its mostly that greek on a leash concept. Even though I'm technically an alum now, I'm still a sorority girl at heart and my allegiance remains intact. ;-) Nah its not that bad but I' m sure GOAL can tell you all about it. heeheehee

Oh. One last thing. If you could just help out in that anonymity attempt, I'd be grateful.

rock out.
hahaha this is never going to work...

Insomnia, Failure and Excuses

2005-07-11T03:25:00.000-05:00

Sunday night, well actually Monday morning.

3:34am

I think I may have completely made the switch from being an insomniac to being nocturnal.

I can't remember the last time I went to bed before 4am. In fact I would say that in the last seven days I fell asleep around 4:30am twice, 5am twice and 6 or 7 the other nights.

Isn't that strange? I worked late a few nights, stayed in twice, and went out the rest of the nights. In all reality though I go to bed earlier when I go out drinking than when I stay in. Except for recently when I've for some reason been staying up till 6am talking.

I'm losing my mind.

I'm not even really studying ever. I hate school so much I want to quit. I'm at that point again. I hate this part. I was doing so damn well summer A, I do not understand what's going on.

Its approaching 4am and I have all this stupid research shit due tomorrow morning. I have to somehow make 30 copies of a questionnaire that is two-sided by 9:30am. Thank God for Target Copy. I just really don't want to do this. I haven't even seen my graded draft yet.

Seriously I hate this class so much. I hate being a 5th year senior and I hate retaking classes because I was either too lazy, or too cracked out from post surgery meds to do well in the class. It is definitely not fair to take a newly medicated ADD college student and make her have surgery on her pinky in the beginning of her senior year and her first semester being medicated.

Really, it is not fair.

I always tell my dad that its not my fault that there were extreme circumstances last fall with the pinky and this spring with most of my friends graduating and being inactive in my sorority. And I tell him, this semester it will be different because hey, I can't break my pinky again can I? (knock on wood here please)

My dad's answer was a sobering one. "Kasey, there will be extreme circumstances for you every semester."

ouch. Honesty hurts.

But its true. Thinking back I have had some huge excuse every semester to blame my piss poor grades on.
Freshman fall was boyfriend drama like no other, with the following spring being consumed by the repercussions of said drama (ie. severe lack of friends and serious depression).
Sophomore year was all consumed by newly discovered sorority girl life and the beauty that is natty lite and the Xtra Food Mart on South 13th St that always sold me the cheap ass beer- even on Sundays. (This counts as an excuse because without this amazing sorority life, I would have never gotten over the "freshman depression" and truly discovered myself).
Junior fall. Sigh. After tricking ISIS into showing me my transcript even though its "closed," I remember why my grades sucked Junior fall. I started working. I had gone two years with my parents telling me I was not allowed to work but I had run them dry of funds and they were tired of footing the bill for my alcohol abuse. So I started working at Larry's Giant Subs, got a bad-ass apartment in the student ghetto (it really is bad-ass and I do still there) and I found myself working pretty much 6 days a week, 4 to 5 hours a day. The money sucked but I was working mad hours and getting a few bucks in tips a day which was just enough for drinking expenses. But anyway, I was getting mad exhausted and by the end of fall I ran for exec in my sorority. Leading me to the joy that was...
Spring Junior year. This semester was full of V.P. Service gloriousness and working my butt off everyday at Larry's. I was exhausted and running myself ragged. I was trying to work hard at school but things were just not working. I had just started my new major, after being kicked out of psychology. (yeah my grades are that bad) I was pretty much on the pathway to failing out of school and fast. So my mom made me see a counselor about being ADD and low and behold there was a way to fix things. So I saw a Dr. and started seeing a counselor and taking medication to get some control in my life. I ended up medically with drawing from the semester and quitting my job up here and moving home for the summer to gain some perspective.
I'm pretty sure I mostly covered fall senior year (first senior year that is). I was still on exec, taking ADD meds, excited about school and finishing up my exec responsibilities and not having a job anymore up here. And BAM broken pinky at a flag football game, 3 hurricanes, pinky surgery, and three pins in my pinky for 8 weeks, can't write or type for the whole semester. AWESOME. So that pretty much has left me weak and miserable. I've been trying to get over it and kick ass but I ended up failing a class because I didn't finish my incomplete on time and that sucks ass.

I'm sure you could care less about my boring life that I try to think is so interesting. But its 4:14am now and I cannot motivate myself to do this. I didn't take my medicine today because I slept until about 3pm today and didn't feel like having my drugs keep me up all night. Ironic isn't it? I'm not up all night because I couldn't focus on my school work all day...

There's always an excuse isn't there?

That's what I've been hearing a lot lately. My parents get on me about my excuses for school and for spending too much money (not fair really since its my money now). My boyfriend bugs me about my excuses for smoking. But if I didn't have excuses I'd pretty much hate myself. I mean I'm so close to that point as it is and my defense mechanisms are what's keeping me together.

I know what you're thinking, just another excuse right? Just quit smoking, stop writing on your blog and finish your work. Well if it were that easy I sure as hell would not be sitting at this computer in Gainesville, awake at 4:20am right now, would I? Nope.

Meh. I was hoping this would make me feel better about being a failure but I'm pretty much really tired and depressed right now so I guess I'm going to just print out one copy of this horrible draft of my questionnaire and hit the sack and pray I can lean over and take my meds to wake me up early enough to make it to Target Copy before class in the morning...

btw: Will someone please tell me the exact date that the new Harry Potter book comes out. Because I am way too tired to google it right now...

Umm hi?

2005-07-06T02:50:00.000-05:00

Okay fine. I'm posting.

I have been trying for, oh, a week or so now, to post on a sports topic that I seem to be very passionate about. But nonetheless, I have kept the post in my drafts section and will continue to work on it until it makes sense.

So here I am, up at 3:30am, with class at 9:30am and a whole stupid assignment to do. I hate school. I am down to one summer C class, M W F at 9:30am and instead of feeling like I have so much more time now, I feel like my class is in the way of my summer fun (aka boozing and staying up till 6am every night).

Anywho, I have been really entertaining myself and procrastinating from one class, by reading all these interesting SG blogs.

I have found myself feeling really left out.

Its sad too because I'm probably older than most of the people with these SG blogs, or alot younger as I have found some SG junkies are actually older than me! eek! I guess cigarettes aren't the only thing that's hard to quit. (not entirely sure how SG is addictive, but the evidence is there so, who knows)

I've also found that a lot of people talk in circles. Sometimes I get really angry about things and like to share my point of view, but most of the time its just so pointless that I can't really choose a side to fight for. So then I let it go and move on and feel that ping of emptiness that comes with feeling left out.

Oh well I guess I'm done for now. Just wanted to say hi and whatnot.

Maybe I should get some work done seeing as how its almost 4am now...

Whoa I'm back!

2005-07-01T16:18:00.000-05:00

Well it seems as though I have been completely out of touch with my blog as of late. My laptop has finally died and I have been working too much to take it in to get it fixed (aka replaced by HP). I spent hours with my buddy Artemus saving my data, so its not a total tragedy. However, it is pretty depressing and putting a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend who doesn't really like me using his computer for hours at a time.

Fortunately I have borrowed a laptop and I've been trying to stay up to date, reading all my fave blogs. But I'm just finally getting time to update.

It seems to have been a long time since I've updated and I've certainly missed out on updating on the College World Series. I apologize for that but I was just so involved in the games and I was working so much that I just didn't have time to really post about the games. After we beat Nebraska and Arizona I was so excited to be in the Championship Series that I was just beside myself! :-) I had the best time ever watching the games. Unfortunately I had to work during some of the games, but I didn't miss much.

Anyhow! It was dissapointing to lose to Texas in the Championship game but honestly, this is the best any Gators team has ever done since I've been here! What an AMAZING baseball season!! Second in the nation! The World Series! How INTENSE! WOOT

Okay well I've decided I'm just going to post little bits at a time, in order to ensure keeping more up to date.

Laters kids.

Gators beat Nebraska! Update from back home.

2005-06-20T01:12:00.000-05:00

I just want to say OMG WE BEAT NEBRASKA!!!!!!

I said it before and I will say it again- I will not underrate you Gators!

Wow. I am at home for Father's day and let me tell you, what an awesome Father's day for my dad. Minus the whole Tiger almost winning the Open and then losing to some guy that nobody knows... But hey, did I tell you that I've been to Pinehurst and stayed in the Pinehurst Inn, and Pinehurst is the most beautiful place in all the world. (well not all the world clearly)

So FYI: DIAL UP SUCKS. Who the hell raises their children in the ice age? My parents apparently. I do not understand how my brother survives. How do you look things up that you need to know? Clearly, they do not do that around here. They also must get their weather from the weather channel and their sports from ESPN (on television). Seems so strange, I just click on my favorites and BAM weather.com and BAM espn.com. So weird this archaic form of knowledge gathering...

Anyway my old computer might crash soon so its back to Nick at Nite and lying in my old bed pretending to sleep for hours... Ah insomnia and home. So comforting and yet so restless.

I miss my laptop so much... tear.

Oooh ALSO Jeff Corsaletti is AMAZING!!! He went 4-4 with 4 doubles and a single and I can only imagine the other amazing stats he pulled in. The final score was 7-4. Hopefully 2nd floor will return with stats soon... or maybe I will get this beast of a computer to work again tomorrow and maybe, just maybe! I can get espn.com or gatorzone.com to load too. Oooh that would be glorious.

Ahh I feel so delirious and its only 2am. That's what being home will do, make 2am feel like 6am in Gainesville. Everyone has been asleep since like 11. My grandma even went to sleep at 9. Its funny because I go to work at 9pm... crazy place this is. or maybe its the other way around?

Okay I'm out.

night!

GO GATORS!!!

Brief update

2005-06-19T12:46:00.000-05:00

FYI: Gators play Nebraska at 7pm tonight on ESPN2. Don't miss it! I wish I had my laptop so that I could post more about this AWESOME TIME IN GATOR BASEBALL HISTORY! as we are in the winners bracket after beating Tennessee even after committing a few errors! but alas I can only write brief updates as I am using someone else's computer.

Also, I will be going back home for father's day and a little preliminary birthday celebration (no big deal seeing as how any birthday after 21 for the rest of my life is going to suck...) but I will be back later in the week.

On the plus side! After two horrifying nights in a row at my place of employment, last night was awesome.

so keep in touch and I will be back later this week.

kc

Update: Laptop Woes, Baseball game on Friday

2005-06-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

Just a brief update. I had written a nice long post at 5am this morning while suffering from the usual insomnia boredom and saved it to post today so that I could ya know, make sure I wasn't delirious. The post was actually in response to friends wanting to hear about more than baseball.

Unfortunately, my awesome laptop has been infected by an evil virus and will be out of commission (hopefully not for long). So the posts may be limited in the next day or two while I try to fix my laptop.

To stay up to date on the Gators, you should read 2nd floor's posts on the baseball team line-up, full with profiles and pictures! So fun! I know I am looking forward to his upcoming info on the Tennessee baseball that we will face in the first game of the College World Series.

FYI: The Gators play Tennesse in the CWS at 2pm on Friday, live on ESPN2!! YAY! I don't have to work till 6pm and will get to watch the whole game!

kc

Getting excited for Omaha, and reliving this past weekend's games

2005-06-14T15:16:00.000-05:00

Seeing as how I have been working and drinking a lot this weekend and the beginning of this week, I have been unable to give you the details I promised about the Super Regional tournament. So today I'm going to abuse the fact that the Alligator got to write stories on the games before I did and I'm going to use some of my favorite quotes from their articles.

For starters, a quote from Matt LaPorta: "We've proven a point: don't ever underrate us."
I'd like to say for the record, LaPorta I apologize for underrating the Baseball team. I have grown accustomed to attempting to not get too excited about our Gators teams. I have failed at this attempt many times throughout the last four years, and gotten excited and full of hope and dreams for my Gators, only to have my little orange and blue heart be crushed by the weight of disappointment. So, it is clear to see why I try to remain bitter and doubtful going into the post-season of any Gators sport. You'd think after being a Pittsburgh Steelers and Pirates fan for so long, that I would learn to get over this pain, but alas, it haunts me in my sleep (or lack thereof as the case may be). Sorry for the tangent, now back to reality. I will now believe in you Matt LaPorta and the other amazing Gators Baseball players, but I will continue to refrain from putting too high expectations on this All-star, but still very young team.

Next up, Coach Pat McMahon: "I'm firmly convinced that every one of those guys on the field wanted that ball hit to them. When you can say that when the tying run is at the plate, the largest crowd ever in stadium history is cheering you on, that comes from practice and all the things you do to be successful. You see yourself in that position, so when it happens, you can do it."
Damn, I love baseball so much that it hurts. That quote sums up why McMahon is teaching these kids some amazing baseball. From watching this team with an infield of mostly sophomores, I get the feeling turning double plays is what these guys thrive on. They play with such vigor and strength and love for the game. It reminds me of my brother's little league all-star team the way the Gators love playing the game. And they play with such incredible accuracy that it borders on perfection. Which brings me to my next quote.

In the article, Gators get CWS berth, Tim Casey writes, "The Seminoles committed four errors in Saturday's game [In the Super Regional] and one on Friday while the Gators played error-free baseball all weekend."
Without a doubt Coach Pat McMahon is coaching the players to a path of baseball glory. Watching them play Notre Dame in a game that can only be described as batting practice for the Gators, woop FSU on Friday night and hold them down Saturday night, you can tell this team is in it for the love of the game and the desire to win.

What Coach McMahon is talking about when he said every player wanted the ball hit to them, is the bottom of the 9th inning of Saturday's game against FSU.
The Gators had held the Seminoles to only 3 runs off of 7 hits after the 4th inning. So the Gators entered the bottom of the 9th with the Seminoles up to bat and Alan Horne going into his 9th straight inning and with what could have only been a really tired arm.
Despite the cheers from the Seminoles who were 5 runs down and dying to come back in the bottom of the ninth, and a tired Horne, the stadium and I at work standing at the bar watching the TV diligently, thought we had the game in the bag and expected a couple ground balls or pop-ups to be caught and a strike out or so to end the game.
The Seminole player, Jernigan was first up and grounded out for the first out of the inning. At this point I really thought the game was over, I was just waiting for that fly ball to be caught or that third strike to be thrown. But Horne was tired and Seminole, Thomas hit a homerun on two strikes. So the score was now 8-4 and I was losing my patience while I at work.

Just to let you know: I had to cover for someone at work Saturday night at 9pm and while I tried to go to the game at 7 to watch the first hour or so, I was late and the student section was full. So I was at work during the end of the game and it was Karoake night so the only TV playing the game was at the bar and I couldn't really sit there the whole time, so I stood in a corner watching the game as much as possible.
But when the first batter grounded out and we only had TWO outs left until we could cheer our way to Omaha, I took a cigarette break and went out back and called my dad for a play-by-play of the last two outs. It was then that I heard my dad say, "they hit a homerun, they need to take out Horne." Stupid Seminoles.
So I sat in the back alley of the Pub chain smoking and listening to my dad tell me Alan walked the next batter. Now it was 8-5 and the next batter was a lefty so off the mound came Horne with what I hear was a standing ovation and his hands held high pumping his index finger in the air. Man, I love that guy. He pitched 148 pitches in 8 and 1/3 innings against the loathsome Seminoles.

Back to the game: So Mike Pete, a lefty pitcher, was now on the mound and to face the lefty batter. The lefty Seminole popped out to Corsaletti in center field, and we only had one out left until Omaha. But then the next lefty got a a single and there were two runners on base, and the batter on deck was the tying run, things were suddenly getting intense. With the next batter not being a lefty, the lefty pitcher Pete was replaced by Falkenbach, a very good closing pitcher in my opinion.
The first batter Falkenbach faced hit a single to left field and brought Robinson into score for the ugly Noles. 8-5, two men on base, tying run up to bat.

And now we are where the Coach's quote comes from:
"I'm firmly convinced that every one of those guys on the field wanted that ball hit to them. When you can say that when the tying run is at the plate, the largest crowd ever in stadium history is cheering you on, that comes from practice and all the things you do to be successful."
I was sucking the nicotine out of my cigarette like it was oxygen, my adrenaline was going crazy and I could just imagine my Gators team breaking my heart yet again. My dad reminded me that if we lose, I could actually get to see the game the next day and that it wasn't over for us yet. He also told me that the Seminoles players were now all wearing their stupid baseball hats backwards and inside out and cheering for a rally. I hate those damn Seminoles.
But, thanks to the awesome coaching from McMahon and the amazing talent and drive of the Gators, they were all thinking, I want this one hit to me. They were all dying to get that ball and make that last and final Seminole out that would take them to Omaha. As fate would have it, Matt LaPorta got that ball and made the out at first to end the game and to send the whole Gators team to the mound in a pile up of what could have only been a moment of glorious jubilation and overwhelming confidence in this baseball-loving Gators team.

I would also like to give a shout out to the other bloggers in Gainesville and afar who have "linked me" to their blogs. Be sure to check out the blogs I have linked on my page as well. 2nd floor has some awesome posts about the Gators baseball team that you all should read about it as the Gators prepare for the College World Series in Omaha!

peace and love and go gators!

TO OMAHA

2005-06-12T02:53:00.000-05:00

OMG!!!!
THE GATORS ARE GOING TO OMAHA!!!!
We beat FSU 8-5 tonight and we are on our way to the College WORLD SERIES IN OMAHA!!!!!!
I just got home from work and I am so excited!
More details to come tomorrow!
GO GATORS AND F FSU!

kc

The long winded adventures of the bar waitress newbie

2005-06-09T15:30:00.000-05:00

It is time to take a break from baseball...

Let me tell you about my job.

I took my senior year of college off from working (my first senior year, that is). But now it is the summer after my fourth year of college and I have chosen to stick it out at least one more year and try to finish with a degree.

But at what cost? Basically, my cost. I am in the process of being financially "cut-off" from my parents and taking out loans. I am living off of my boyfriend right now and we are surviving off of tuna, eggs, milk and water. Needless to say there was serious need to find a job. This time in my life, unlike every other time I was desperate for a job, I was really lucky. I filled out applications all over the area near my apartment and looked through all the classifieds and couldn't find anything. Until one day, I just walked into this bar and asked if they were hiring. And low-and-behold they were- for one position as a server. I was hired on the spot as a server.

I am now about three weeks into the job and it has been a blast. Its weird though because it truly is a bar. I serve alcohol and some food here and there, but mostly alcohol to college kids and even college professors. My favorites though are the old hippies who just never left town after college and have been coming to this Pub every Tuesday since it opened.

I think its safe to say that I have never had a job that I liked. Except for when I worked for my mom, every employer I have ever had, put me down in some way. It wasn't ever directed solely to me personally, they were just immature people working unimportant jobs for a living and taking it out on their employees. They say never to talk badly about your past employers to a future employer, but I'm hoping none of my future employers are reading this blog.

But now I find myself working with a huge group of college kids. All of them are big drinkers, smokers, and anything else you can think of. And these are the people I work with. Its seriously so much fun. I wait on people and serve drinks, and "work." But mostly I'm hanging out at a bar. My bar manager pours us shots when he's bored and the first rule I learned on the job was, if you're 21 and the bar manager pours you a drink, take it. I've gotta tell you, its really intimidating taking shots, chugging car bombs, and shotgunning beer with a bunch of long-time bartenders. You can imagine that I have been practicing my drinking skills now.

So last night I had to work until about 3am. Didn't get home till like 3:30am. I had a quiz at 11am. But I need the money and I thought I could survive... Apparently, not so much. Last night we had our first Beer Pong tournament, which is now going to be a fun summer Wednesday tradition. It was pretty crazy with lots of very enthusiastic beer pong "professionals." A lot of the employees came in to see how the beer pong thing was going. Some of the bar backs/bouncers (very large frat boys) were taking shots in the back and I conned them into getting me some shots too. Wise move or mortal mistake? Some of both.

Once our bar manager starts making drinks, he likes to keep it up. If he's not working hard at the bar, he'll make us all drinks as often as he feels like it. He's also an alcoholic so as often as he feels like drinking is pretty much all the time. So I had one shot brought to me while I was just walking back from the porch. That shot was tasty and the bar back that brought it to me was not too unimpressed with my flinching-smile reaction after I took it. It was SoCo with lime (lime grenadine that is). It was very tasty but I was also dying for some alcohol at this point.

After this shot I needed a cigarette break. After the stoge and the SoCo I actually had a buzz. I was a little freaked out by this until I remembered that I had not eaten anything all day. This little trick of denying food is paying off in miraculous ways, I'm turning into a light weight which is really a cheaper way to drink!

So the next shot was given to me by the bar manager (BM for now on) in exchange for washing cups at the bar (which I love to do for fun because I get to be behind the bar and talk to the people at the bar). BM hands me the shot while I'm mid dish-washing. So my hands are wet and people are watching. I go to take the shot while the BM is staring at me in anticipation for my reaction, as usual, but then he stops and says, "oh wait." And he grabs an ice cube and sticks it in. As if it would have been the end of the world if the shot wasn't cold. So, then the BM gets distracted and I take the shot quickly (in a lofty hope to be able to take in one gulp like the BM can). So people are still watching as I throw the shot back and the ice cube hits my teeth and I realize that this shot is twice as big as the double shot I took earlier tonight, and the SoCo goes pouring down my neck and chest. Not very much SoCo was lost as I had quite a bit more to drink. So with the bar backs and bouncers laughing at me I quickly tried to redeem myself by throwing back the rest of the shot, ice cube and all went smoothly down my throat.

I am slightly unclear as to how much SoCo was actually contained in these two shots. But I was definitely drunk for awhile and definitely hungover this morning. I'm not sure why. I suppose it is because I was previously unaware of SoCo's evil powers, but now that it has come to my attention I will probably still drink it when the BM gives me a drink, but I will definitely never drink it by choice. If I look at it this way, the only alcohol that I've ever seen my dad get drunk off of was SoCo, and you should know, my dad is about 6'3" and about 325 lbs so I'd say that SoCo really isn't my cup of tea. Particularly when I have pretty much stopped eating entirely at this point.

Fortunately one of the other waitresses was there last night and she helped me clean up and double and triple count my money at the end of the night. I also had a table order two pitchers with about 20 minutes left of bar time and demand that I help them finish the pitchers. They were a really fun group of Asian kids so I said, why not? And challenged the boys to a chugging contest... haha they were wasted and I looked cool. So that was one beer in 2 seconds. Rock out.

So all in all it was a good night. Would have liked to have made more money but it was the first night of beer pong and kind of chaotic. Plus I definitely made more than the last Wed that I worked so that was hot.

Well that was definitely a long and tireless description of my job but hopefully it will not bore you entirely too much.

I can't resist a little baseball FYI:
Gator Baseball games this weekend at McKethan stadium:
Friday, June 10 - Game 1
7 p.m.: Florida State (visitor) - Florida (home)
Saturday, June 11 - Game 2
7 p.m.: Florida (visitor) - Florida State (home)
Sunday, June 12 - Game 3 (if necessary)
1 p.m.: Coin Flip Would Determine Home/Visitor Designation

Florida NCAA Baseball

2005-06-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

After four years of attending the University of Florida, the Gators baseball team is finally on a post-season winning streak. We have always had a great team since I've been here, ranked and even in the top 5 at times. But the post-season always kills us, its the curse of being a Gator after Spurrier left I think. We can end the season with enough intimidation and stamena to look like we could take it all, but we tend to lose it in the first post-season game. Its a curse that our football, basketball and baseball teams have all experienced many times throughout my tenure as a student here.

BUT the Gators baseball team is making their way through the NCAA post-season with flying colors and there is hope yet!

After an amazing weekend of baseball the Gators won the NCAA Gainesville Regional and will be hosting the Super Regional tournament this weekend against FSU at home for a best-of-three game series.

After seeing the Gators beat UNC and steadily beat the crap out of the Fighting Irish, I have complete confidence that our Gators can kick some Seminole butt this upcoming weekend.

In the Regional tournament this weekend, The Gators beat Stetson 8-3 on Saturday morning after being rained out Friday night. Which was kind of a bummer for me because I had planned on going to the Gators first game in the tournament after work but it was rained out and I ended up working until about 10:30 anyway and would have missed it but instead I drank entirely too much alcohol Friday night and slept through the rescheduled game Saturday morning. It turns out I also missed our "star" player of the year, Matt LaPorta, a sophomore from Punta Gorda, FL, hit his record-breaking homerun #24 of the season. LaPorta had been at 23 homeruns for a few games now and had matched the Gator record for most homeruns in a season but was just waiting on that one more homer to beat the record and make it his. So Saturday morning he hit #24 and I missed it. Bummer.

Okay well I guess I'm going to have to end this post for now. Today is Matt's birthday and we are going out to the pool. But get excited because the Gators beat Notre Dame 23-3 Sunday night and I have tons of fun stories about the game!

laters.

Gators Baseball Champions!

2005-06-06T05:03:00.000-05:00

Gators are NCAA Regional Baseball Champions! Amazing times in the Gator baseball program. Will post more details about the awesome Gators baseball team after I take my midterm at 9:30. But get excited because the Gators are now moving on to the Super Regionals AND we are hosting the tournament right here in Gainesville! AND we are playing FSU!! rock out to kicking some Seminole butt and making our way to the College World Series!!
Go to http://www.gatorzone.com for more information if you just can't wait till I tell you all about the games.

The rambling introduction of an insomniac

2005-06-02T02:36:00.000-05:00

Well, the insomnia has led me to jump on the blog bandwagon. I've spent enough time reading other blogs and now i find myself awake at 3am (a fairly decent hour) and ready to start my own ramblings.

I am a 21 year old college student with a decent chance of being in college forever at this point. Four years under my belt, not even an AA yet, and I've got one year left and less direction than I had in high school. At this point my goal is to graduate with a degree.

I'm a newly diagnosed/medicated ADD kid and henceforth an insomniac due to the narcotic stimulants I take every morning.

I'm a liberal and opinionated but I like to think I'm open-minded and very flexible. I love a good stimulating argument- which is why I am friends with conservatives, liberals and God-knows what else in between.

I love sports, always have. I have grown up around baseball and have an abundant amount of knowledge about the actual game of baseball but very little knowledge about actual MLB players, teams and whatnot. I will always be a Pittsburgh Pirates fan at heart, and a Tampa Bay Devil Rays fan because that's my home team; but I would kill for tickets to a Yankees/ Red Sox game anyday. My brother wants to play for the Yankees one day so I'm more inclined to cheer for the Yankees but at the same time, I can't help but be elated when the Devil Rays are ahead of the Yankees in the national standings. Right now though my baseball attention is all-absorbed by the amazing Gators NCAA Baseball team. So through my experiences of watching the games while in Gainesville this summer, and through my intended research of the Major Leagues, I hope to bring you a fun-filled and knowledgable source of info on baseball happenings.

In addition to being ADD, a liberal and a sports fan, I'm also a preppy sorority girl with a love of cigarettes and alcohol. Clearly I have an addictive personality but I like to say it makes me more entertaining. Anyway, if I were perfect, where would the fun be, right? So basically I love a good time and will probably ramble about my outings in Gainesville from time to time.

So that's it for now. My life story, well, enough of it to bore you I suppose.